By Jayson Musson  |  Send to Friend

Mr. Rats,

I would like to know what the word on the street is about the whole "trimming" subject. I mean ... do men really give a shit? I'm just asking because the up-keep can be expensive, time consuming and irritatingly painful. I hear men saying they prefer it bald, but then if you get a little lazy during the winter months they change their tune. So, what's the deal? Are we putting ourselves through a bunch of needless pain when we let estiticians rip out our short hairs with their waxy torture strips?

Thanks,

Baldy.


Dear Baldy:

At first I thought this was from a fella who trimmed his pubic hair and I was going to go into a tale about how I cut my scrotum with a pair of scissors once while trying trim my pubic hair, but after a second reading, I realized that you’re a lady.

So, Lady Baldy, do men care about trimming? Yes and No. Some men like an easy time when trying to conduct fingerlingus and cunnilingus. For these guys, a mass of pubic hair is too much of a nuisance on their tongues or fingers and they don’t like being in a position to navigate a lady’s ‘nappy dugout’ like Indiana Jones chopping through vines in a jungle looking for a crystal skull. They want to locate the clit ASAP so these fellas like their ladies pubes prim, perty and most likely shaved into some ornate shape akin to something you’d see on a porn actress, like a butterfly or arrow pointing at her vag. And most likely, these men are prim themselves, having very little body hair and immaculate dental hygiene.

Theeennnn, there are the other fellas. These males would not give a fuck if there was a miniature Guantanomo Bay in front of the pussy; they’re going to get to it. You could hide the pussy in a thicket of prickle bushes and these dudes will stomp through that bush like each scratch was a loving massage. For these guys, the more hair the better because (1) they love eating pussy and (2) nothing beats burying your face in between a lady's legs and working for what’s buried ‘neath all that hair. These are the type of dudes who’ll eat pussy and not wash their face and have pubic hair dangling from their beards for days on some ZZ Top type-shit. And some of these guys even like to wear a fedora just like Indiana Jones when they’re down twixt thine legs just to set off the tone of adventure that comes with the whole cunilingus endeavor.

So like I said, it depends on the man really. All I can say is, if you’re gonna go through such an ordeal for a man, make sure he can work his fingers on your clitoris like a stenographer.

Do you want to make whoopee with my mind? Ask Rats!